Tuesday, July 26, 2005
In the Company of Women - Part 1
It was not until I heard the reaction to Carly Fiorina’s commencement speech at the North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University that I started to believe the truth of what Pat Heim and Susan Murphy had to say in their book (In the Company of Women: Indirect Aggression Among Women; How We Hurt Each Other and How To Stop, by Pat Heim, Ph.D. and Susan A. Murphy, Ph.D., MBA with Susan K. Golant (Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam: 2003)).
Before being ousted by HP, Carly was considered one of the most powerful women in public corporate life (by most men). She used to say that “gender didn’t matter” in her climb to the top rungs of the corporate ladder. Then, in her first speech after the fall, she talked instead about how the boys at AT&T dubbed her a "token bimbo" and how she experienced other prejudices from her rising-star competitive peers at Hewlett-Packard who tried to “diminish and disgrace" her.
There it was, facing me in all its glory: the “Power Dead-Even Rule”. Even Carly Fiorina had to, finally, re-balance the Power – Relationships - Self-Esteem triangle -- to enable women to feel more comfortable with her, more accepting of her as a “powerful woman”, by playing down her importance and by sharing “trouble talk”.
And the female reaction to her commencement speech at NCAT was softer, more accepting, more tolerant than was their response to her speech in May 2004 at Simmons College (Boston) where she spoke more assertively, that “gender shouldn’t matter”.
Heim/Murphy describe the phenomenon of “female-to-female conflict”: indirect or covert aggression. Women attack women in such a way as to remain hidden, undetected, in order to avoid retaliation or social condemnation.
Whew! What a scary concept! Think “ambush” and consider the synonyms they use to describe the phenomenon:
Heim/Murphy describe a need on the part of women to maintain a balance among the three forces:
Power is the external influence one wields in the outside world. Relationships are our connections to other people. Self-esteem is the internal power one feels: the sense of inner strength and self-worth.
Relationships are a keystone for women. “The importance of social interactions in the workplace is the most significant difference between the genders,” according to Heim/Murphy.
Hierarchies are structures for re-enforcing men’s beliefs about themselves and their self-esteem. Hierarchies result from competition: the creation of social structures that are predictable and orderly, and which prevent anarchy among males.
Hierarchies do NOT serve the same needs for women. They do not prevent “anarchy” among women. In fact, the existence of hierarchies may create an environment that fosters “anarchy” or a sense of imbalance (unevenness) among women.
Women think and work along relational (NOT hierarchical) lines. Women’s collaborative leadership style is dramatically different from men: they share information and involve others in the decision-making process.
Heim/Murphy put it insightfully when they observed that “females do not use conflicts to establish a hierarchy; [instead,] their quarrels revolve around access to resources.”
Think what that means for women striving up the ladder of male-dominated corporations. Women may not enjoy or appreciate that climb as their male counterparts do. The fact that organizations actually ban or discourage affiliations (such as “women in management networks”) may result in women suffering from a sense of loss of relationships in the work environment. In this sterile situation, women have nothing there that contributes to their sense of personal achievement.
Power, on the other hand, is simply the ability to get things done. Power does not exist in a vacuum or in isolation from the individual. Men consider power an end in and of itself, while women consider power more as a means to achieving other goals.
Heim/Murphy describe several types of power: reward power, coercive power, legitimate power, expert power, referent power, and associative power. For women, unlike men, “power flows through their relationships, not from external symbols”.
Women have the “Chip Theory of Power”, somewhat similar to the male concept of “Markers”. But, women strive toward equity (evenness), while men strive toward inequality (unevenness) or personal, competitive advantage. Women try to keep the chips even, while men strive to increase their individual share of the markers. If the chips are uneven, women expect a re-balancing in order to be comfortable.
Thus, when Carly had all the power, women felt uncomfortable with her. When Carly diminished her power by talking about how she, too, felt discrimination, women felt more at ease with her as the power chips were re-balanced.
Self-esteem is the third part of the balancing act -- one’s sense of worth in your own eyes. Self-esteem is the power that one allows one’s own self to have; it is the ability to form an identity and attach a value to it.
Heim/Murphy cite many examples of research showing that, normally, there is a correlation between high self-esteem and high achievement (which can lead to the accrual of power).
However, for many women, “all the perceived power in the world won’t build their self-esteem – they view themselves as unworthy.”
When women perceive their self-esteem is low, the triangle is out of kilter. Women may not be able to change their internal sense of self, to re-establish balance of the triangle, so an alternative is to bring other women of power down to their level. Thus, we see the full array of “sabotage savvy” behavior on the part of uncertain women.
This is the “Power Dead-Even Rule” at play: “an invisible natural law that operates behind the scenes, shapes our relations to other women in our lives, explains the connection among relationships, power and self-esteem”.
When our sense of power, OR our sense of relationships, OR our self-esteem are not enhanced in the interaction with others, women tend to re-balance the triangle through “catty” and destructive behavior that brings others down to our perceived, lower level.
At that point, women are "in the company of women": demonstrating indirect aggression and hurting each other, and ourselves.
Before being ousted by HP, Carly was considered one of the most powerful women in public corporate life (by most men). She used to say that “gender didn’t matter” in her climb to the top rungs of the corporate ladder. Then, in her first speech after the fall, she talked instead about how the boys at AT&T dubbed her a "token bimbo" and how she experienced other prejudices from her rising-star competitive peers at Hewlett-Packard who tried to “diminish and disgrace" her.
There it was, facing me in all its glory: the “Power Dead-Even Rule”. Even Carly Fiorina had to, finally, re-balance the Power – Relationships - Self-Esteem triangle -- to enable women to feel more comfortable with her, more accepting of her as a “powerful woman”, by playing down her importance and by sharing “trouble talk”.
- “Women are more comfortable with a powerful woman [like Carly post-HP] who plays down her importance rather than one who does not.“
And the female reaction to her commencement speech at NCAT was softer, more accepting, more tolerant than was their response to her speech in May 2004 at Simmons College (Boston) where she spoke more assertively, that “gender shouldn’t matter”.
Heim/Murphy describe the phenomenon of “female-to-female conflict”: indirect or covert aggression. Women attack women in such a way as to remain hidden, undetected, in order to avoid retaliation or social condemnation.
Whew! What a scary concept! Think “ambush” and consider the synonyms they use to describe the phenomenon:
- gossip; divulging secrets, spreading rumors, publicly making insinuating or insulting comments, undermining, sabotaging, purposefully snubbing or withdrawing friendship
Heim/Murphy describe a need on the part of women to maintain a balance among the three forces:
Power –- Relationships -- Self-esteem
Power is the external influence one wields in the outside world. Relationships are our connections to other people. Self-esteem is the internal power one feels: the sense of inner strength and self-worth.
Relationships are a keystone for women. “The importance of social interactions in the workplace is the most significant difference between the genders,” according to Heim/Murphy.
Hierarchies are structures for re-enforcing men’s beliefs about themselves and their self-esteem. Hierarchies result from competition: the creation of social structures that are predictable and orderly, and which prevent anarchy among males.
Hierarchies do NOT serve the same needs for women. They do not prevent “anarchy” among women. In fact, the existence of hierarchies may create an environment that fosters “anarchy” or a sense of imbalance (unevenness) among women.
Women think and work along relational (NOT hierarchical) lines. Women’s collaborative leadership style is dramatically different from men: they share information and involve others in the decision-making process.
Heim/Murphy put it insightfully when they observed that “females do not use conflicts to establish a hierarchy; [instead,] their quarrels revolve around access to resources.”
Think what that means for women striving up the ladder of male-dominated corporations. Women may not enjoy or appreciate that climb as their male counterparts do. The fact that organizations actually ban or discourage affiliations (such as “women in management networks”) may result in women suffering from a sense of loss of relationships in the work environment. In this sterile situation, women have nothing there that contributes to their sense of personal achievement.
Power, on the other hand, is simply the ability to get things done. Power does not exist in a vacuum or in isolation from the individual. Men consider power an end in and of itself, while women consider power more as a means to achieving other goals.
Heim/Murphy describe several types of power: reward power, coercive power, legitimate power, expert power, referent power, and associative power. For women, unlike men, “power flows through their relationships, not from external symbols”.
Women have the “Chip Theory of Power”, somewhat similar to the male concept of “Markers”. But, women strive toward equity (evenness), while men strive toward inequality (unevenness) or personal, competitive advantage. Women try to keep the chips even, while men strive to increase their individual share of the markers. If the chips are uneven, women expect a re-balancing in order to be comfortable.
Thus, when Carly had all the power, women felt uncomfortable with her. When Carly diminished her power by talking about how she, too, felt discrimination, women felt more at ease with her as the power chips were re-balanced.
Self-esteem is the third part of the balancing act -- one’s sense of worth in your own eyes. Self-esteem is the power that one allows one’s own self to have; it is the ability to form an identity and attach a value to it.
Heim/Murphy cite many examples of research showing that, normally, there is a correlation between high self-esteem and high achievement (which can lead to the accrual of power).
However, for many women, “all the perceived power in the world won’t build their self-esteem – they view themselves as unworthy.”
- The imposter syndrome: a self-defeating attitude, a feeling that you will be “found out” as unworthy
- A feeling of lack of competence, skill or intelligence (contrary to objective data)
- A sense that one doesn’t deserve the success and the perks
- A fear of one’s inability to repeat past successes; a conviction that previous accomplishments were a fluke
- A belief that success has not come from one’s own efforts or abilities; but rather from fate, luck, timing, charm, or manipulation.
- “When women experience interpersonal discord, they disparage themselves as inadequate – which cuts into their personal self-esteem.”
When women perceive their self-esteem is low, the triangle is out of kilter. Women may not be able to change their internal sense of self, to re-establish balance of the triangle, so an alternative is to bring other women of power down to their level. Thus, we see the full array of “sabotage savvy” behavior on the part of uncertain women.
This is the “Power Dead-Even Rule” at play: “an invisible natural law that operates behind the scenes, shapes our relations to other women in our lives, explains the connection among relationships, power and self-esteem”.
When our sense of power, OR our sense of relationships, OR our self-esteem are not enhanced in the interaction with others, women tend to re-balance the triangle through “catty” and destructive behavior that brings others down to our perceived, lower level.
At that point, women are "in the company of women": demonstrating indirect aggression and hurting each other, and ourselves.
# posted by ChampionBoards.com @ 3:47 PM 
